Everything Lubed Up?
Anne and I have been spending more and more time talking about our family, our goals, our future, our marriage, lots and lots of things. I think that maybe this is normal as we reach the so called middle of our life. At my 30th “the next 30 years was played over and over again.” I was able to just head home for a quick 30 hour visit. I was home to surprise a life-long friend at his 40th birthday. I was almost in the plane as long as I was actually on the ground in Oregon.
Anyway we’ve been in that line of thought since the beginning of the year.
Most recently we’ve been talking about our marriage. We decided to think of it this way (what do you think?), we’ve got a car and it runs well… really well. But every 3-5k we change the oil. Not because it really needs it right then, cause it’ll still runs and really it seems like it’s all good. But if we ran it for say, 10k, 15k or maybe 20k without that oil change things might start to get iffy; a clink here a clank there. 50k or 60k miles down the road and there could be some serious damage. But we’d never do that, not with our car and especially since there’s that little sticker up in the corner to remind us. Oh and on Anne’s car there’s this light that blinks to tell us we’re getting close to the oil change time.
But with our marriage, it’s easy to assume that everything is good. Who needs an oil change we love each other. Who needs to look under the hood (I’ve tried this with Anne… just watch out for the back hand)? Anyway, we decided that instead of assuming it’s all good even if it seems to be running well, we’re gonna take our marriage in for an oil change every now in then… once a year at least.
To start this process we’ve ordered a book. Yep a marriage book. Maybe next year it’ll be a marriage retreat or some counseling sessions. But to start it off this year a book.
We chose this new one from Joe Beam. He’s been around the block a few times and started an organization that helps marriages on the rocks… with a 75% success rate. He’s had his share of marriage issues and has been a pastor for a number of years. He has a degree in sex therapy too.
So how about you? Time for an oil change, look under the hood? Your tires need some air? We’re not gonna assume anymore that things are running well. We’re gonna get in there and tinker a bit.
What do you do to keep your marriage going strong? What would you suggest? Books to read?