Discipled Not Well
I’m not sure I was discipled well. I’m not sure I wasn’t. For the longest time I was debilitated by a “lack of knowledge.” I always and I mean always, even to this day have that nagging thought that I don’t know enough to be able to teach or lead. Insecurity sure, I know that plays a role in it. I have never and I mean never enjoyed being the center of attention and for the longest time I thought to be used of God, really used, I needed to know enough to be able to get in front of people to teach them. I like knowing stuff… I think it’s cool to know stuff…. but I never feel I know enough. So I went to Bible college and I still don’t feel I know enough. At this point I’m beginning to think I’ll never know enough to feel I know enough. At this point I’m also beginning to think that I don’t care. Because at this point I’m beginning to think it’s not about knowing. Now that doesn’t mean I want to get up in front of people now, it just means that I’m beginning to think it’s not as big of a deal as I once thought it was.
And because I’m starting to think it’s not that big of deal I’m starting to think that maybe I was discipled well… not because I don’t know stuff, but because it’s not the amount of stuff I know, I think, but because another reason.
I’m working through some stuff right now in regards to the other reason. I don’t want to sound like I don’t know stuff when I write it, cause I went to Bible college and well I’m supposed to know stuff now, so I’m letting it sit and digest for now.